Lack of emotional intelligence brings out the worst version of you

Jenny enjoyed her job, but didn't like the people. Her tolerance had grown thin and she was ready to quit. The interactions with her boss were the most challenging because she felt the meetings were counterproductive due to differences of views. Jenny left meetings feeling frustration, anxiety, and anger.

Jenny suffered from a low level of emotional intelligence and needed to do something to save her job and reputation before her emotions brought out the worst version of herself.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.

 
Join me on Wednesday, January 7 at 1 p.m. CST via webinar to find out how Jenny was able to increase her emotional intelligence and subdue her bad side.

 
#iaap #increaseEI

The Value in Taking a Break – You Do Have Time for That!

Get up at 5 a.m., take a shower, find something to wear, cook breakfast, wake the kids up, prepare their lunch, see them out the door, find your car keys, get to work…and that’s just the first 4 hours of the day. What are you going to be doing for the remaining 20 hours? Thank goodness breathing comes naturally, because if we had to think about it, we probably wouldn’t have the time to devote to yet another task. Perhaps you have heard the now famous cliché, I ain’t got time fo’ that!’ by Sweet Brown who was victim to a fire in her apartment complex?

The key is that we make time for things we want to make time for. I’ll bet during the workday you had time to surf the Internet, pay a bill online, or maybe even check your Facebook account to see what is today’s hot topic? Even though you had a project due at the end of the day. Well, I ‘m asking you to make time for one more thing – a pause. It’s important, and I can’t stress enough (unless you like stress), to take a breather, break, timeout, or just pause – call it a Self-Induced Intermission (SII pronounced 'Sigh'). You are voluntarily stopping and letting your mind catch up. This is the point of refocus.

Here are examples of Self-Induced Intermissions that you can do throughout the day:

The Best Resignation Ever

We are on the brink of another year when you are going to have to make serious, yet life-changing decisions- perhaps finding a new job. Recently, a client advised me of her decision to quit her job. She had been unhappy for a couple years and after a few sessions of confidence boosting, self-evaluation, and weighing outcomes, she decided it was time for her to seek employment elsewhere.

Lauren (name has been changed to preserve confidentiality) worked for 7 years as an administrative assistant for a medium-sized company in manufacturing. She was unhappy because, over the years she had witnessed the following:

·       Favoritism/Undeserved promotions

·       Nepotism

·       Poor decision making

·       Poor interpersonal behavior from leaders unaddressed by upper management

·       Limited to no communication from upper management

And the list goes on.  When she made the decision to leave, I was concerned about how she was going to end her tenure with the company – on a positive or negative note.  Rule #1: You never want to focus on the negative, always focus on the positive from your perspective not the company’s; this is really about you, not them. After brainstorming ideas regarding her behavior and attitude from now until she leaves, the following exit interview speech was devised:

It is with sincere regret that I must submit my resignation, effective two weeks from today. I am grateful for the opportunity to work for (name of company/supervisor); however, I feel that it is time for me to seek a different career path.  

I am fortunate to have learned so much during my time here and will confidently use those skills to my success.

Thank you for giving me the confidence I need to pursue my chosen path. Best of luck!

This brief speech does not say anything about the poor management decisions, behavior, or suggests any disgust as to why Lauren is leaving. It is always best to leave on a positive note by not pointing fingers or bashing anyone in particular (even though you may really, really want to and they may really, really deserve it). Rule #2: The key word is REFRAIN. Other important tips to remember when resigning are:

·       Leave with dignity. Tactfully say, ‘goodbye’ to your colleagues and leave out the door with your head held high. You are making a decision that you feel is for your own good, so act and look like it.

·       Give proper notice. This is a simple but often forgotten courtesy. We get so fed up with a job and immediately want to throw in the towel right then and there. Rule #3: Our reputation precedes us. Review your company’s policies on voluntary resignation, if two weeks’ notice is documented, you are obligated to give 2-weeks’ notice. So what you’re leaving, no sense in breaking rules now. This is the worst time to break rules, remember Rule #3.

·       Stay professional and productive. Just because you decide to leave, does not mean you should change your attitude. In fact, take it up a notch and go the extra mile on a project or prepare notes for your successor. Nothing looks better than a team player who’s leaving, and is still playing the game, giving 110%, until the game ends.

Company’s hate to see employees leave because it costs time and money to find replacements; however, sometimes there is no choice, especially when the employee has detached themselves. As administrative professionals, it is our job to remain professional; otherwise, we would be called ‘administrative un-professionals.’ Rules #1, #2, and #3.

Abnormal Behavior Works in the Workplace

Will a normal person please stand up? I asked this question during a presentation once in a crowded room of 125 attendees and everyone stood up. I was not surprised. We all think we are ‘normal.’ But what does ‘normal’ really mean? The Webster Dictionary defines normal as average, a typical state or condition; the usual. Would you like to rethink your answer now? Think about the context which ‘normal’ is used. Yes, we want a normal heart rate. Of course, we want a normal weight; but do you really want to behave as an average or usual person?

I was watching a scene on a television show of two co-workers having a private chat that turned into a heated conversation. They were friends as well as colleagues; one of them noticed that the other had become distant and less conversational and decided to confront him about his behavior. She started by saying, “I’m worried about you.”

“Why are you worried? I come to work, do my job, and go home. I give appropriate emotional responses and take social cues from behavior. I am being normal. Why are you worried?” Replied the slightly agitated co-worker.

I was halted by the idea that her co-worker thought that he was being ‘normal’ by performing those specific tasks. Here’s a question: Do you give appropriate emotional responses and take social cues from behavior? Be honest. These will help… 

When was the last time you overreacted to a situation at work that almost cost you your job, or at least a reprimand?

How did you react during your last performance review when your supervisor told you the areas you needed improvement in?

What did you do when your supervisor showed disapproval or yelled at you in front of other employees? 

Get the idea? Were you being ‘normal’ in any of those situations according to the agitated co-worker? In today’s society, it is not normal to give appropriate emotional responses and take social cues from behavior because so few people know how to do it! It’s actually abnormal.  It’s irregular, odd, and even strange. In fact, people view negative behavior as the norm. Is that a shocker? Why else is there so much poor leadership and these people still have jobs? Maybe that’s why the co-worker was worried, because he wasn't acting normal? Hmm….

It’s time to start behaving abnormally. Don’t live up to people’s expectations – be irregular! Here’s how:

Pay Attention to Details Week (March 25-March 29, 2013)

It seems there is a commemorative day, week, and month for everything. Here are the commemorative weeks in March:

March 3-9 - National Problem Gambling Awareness Week
March 11-17 - Brain Awareness Week
March  14-20 - National Farm Safety Week


So, let's declare this week (March 25-March 29) Pay Attention to Detail Week. This week you will especially observe your actions when it comes to completing everyday tasks and look at them in a differently.
 

Try this exercise: Look at the picture on the right, try and find things (not so obvious). For example, what is the name on the garbage can, what time is it, how many laptops are in the office, etc. The idea is small details are just as important.
 
This week is the week to think "less errors" (especially those that are most common, eliminate the need to complete the same task again due to a mistake, and develop a piece of mind that the task is done and will not have a "boomerang effect" and come back to you because you missed a step or made an error.

 Remember, when paying attention to detail:
1. Ask questions/clarify/confirm - Not only does this improve assertiveness skills, you will get all the information you need and won't have to come back two or three times.

2. Get out of the "robotic" routine - when we get in "robotic mode" we miss details because of the frequency of the task. Snap out of it and pay attention to the process, it may need changing.  "What was yesterday, may not be today." 

3. "Know Thyself" - train the eye to look for specific errors that tend to be your Achilles' heel. My Achilles' heel is dates. I know that today is Monday, March 25, but not paying attention, Monday, March 25 could turn into Monday, March 24 on correspondence.

Here are some examples of details you can add special attention to this week:

February 2013 Elite Admin: Barbara Williams

Barbara Williams

Elite Admin February 2013
Administrative Assistant, Altria, Inc.

Barbara A. Williams serves as an administrative assistant at Altria, Inc. working to streamline processes and the coordination of administrative support tasks. Deemed the “best secretary on the planet,” Barbara is a self-motivator, team player, and positive person. She says, “I create a positive environment where ever I go by encouraging people.”

Working with Time through Organization
The best time management tip Barbara finds useful is organizational management, which entails always organizing projects in order. Her system is similar to Microsoft OneNote. She arranges each component of a project in its appropriate order. Barbara sees organizational management as a mental process- seeing the order in your mind’s eye first in which to organize things. Working in this way allows her to always be ahead of the game. She remarks, “When my executive travels,   first, I organize flight options. Second, I make his reservation after discussing with him; thirdly, I would create an itinerary folder for him to store his receipts and materials for the trip.”

Dealing with Change Using Backup Plans
Barbara’s biggest challenge involves meetings and travel changes. She deals with meeting changes by contacting the assistant to find out what meetings on their executive’s calendar are flexible. She provides the information to the organizer of the meeting; therefore, before the meeting is set up, the logistical items have been discussed - eliminating the need to make further changes.

Barbara deals with travel changes by making sure the flights are refundable and hotel accommodations can be cancelled in a timely manner.

Since 1996, Barbara has received many awards and accolades, including Woman of the Year from the Business & Professional Women’s Club, Inc.   She is very active in her professional organizations which include: the American Society of Administrative Professionals (ASAP) and the International Association of Administrative Professional (IAAP). Barbara’s proactiveness, dedication, and commitment to the profession prove that she is an Elite Admin.

Barbara lives in Richmond, VA with her companion and four children.

January 2013 Elite Admin: Bonnie Low-Kramen

Author of Be the Ultimate Assistant and co-founder of New York Celebrity Assistants

Bonnie Low-Kramen is an Instructor, speaker and Coach. She is the author of, Be the Ultimate Assistant. The Be the Ultimate Assistant workshop is a 15 hour, 2-day workshop that teaches attendees the essential skills needed to be great assistants. Her workshops include instruction on leadership, technology, and communication techniques. Here is the link for the upcoming Santa Monica workshop on Jan 19-20, 2013 http://conta.cc/PDMICF

Bonnie began her career 25 years ago as the Personal Assistant to award-winning actress, Olympia Dukakis. She noted that she had no experience or training; everyday was like "winging it." Bonnie did whatever it took to get the job done. Her passion for education caused her to resign and start her own business with the goal to provide training so that no other assistant has to "wing it." As a result, Be the Ultimate Assistant was born.

November Elite Admin: Jasmine Freeman, Office Dynamics

 

Chief Executive Assistant to the Founder and CEO of Office Dynamics, Joan Burge

 

Originally from Iowa, Jasmine made the leap of faith in 2006, when she attended a World Class Assistant Seminar hosted by Office Dynamics and learned that her mentor, Joan Burge, was looking for an assistant. She phoned Ms. Burge, interviewed for the position, and six years later, is making an impact on office professionals all over the world.

 Jasmine’s duties include, but are not limited to, arranging contracts with speakers and vendors, making travel arrangements for Ms. Burge, organizing Office Dynamic’s annual conference, event management, marketing, maintaining the Office Dynamic’s blog, and managing all social media outlets.

Part II: During the meeting (Chairing)

Preparing to host the meeting is just as important as the preparation stage. Now you have to keep attendees engaged and make sure the meeting is productive. It sounds like a difficult task, but can be it done, if done correctly.

The meeting notice has been sent and the meeting is scheduled, it's time to think about how the meeting will flow. Here are some tips on how to keep the meeting running smoothly, besides utilizing Robert’s Rules of Order.

How to host meaningful meetings (3-part series)

Part I: Before the meeting – The preparation

Meetings have become one of the workplace’s abominations. When you mention the word meeting people shudder because they feel that it will either be unproductive, unorganized, or boring. On average, we spend 80% of our time in meetings and over half of them are time wasters. 

Sometimes meetings have meetings, the unnecessary side chatter that is going on when meetings are being conducted. People come in with displeasure and quickly lose interest. This is a 3-part article series that will provide tips on how to host productive meetings. The article series includes:

Part I: Before the Meeting (The Preparation)

Part II: During the Meeting (Chairing)

Part III: After the Meeting (Post-meeting tasks)

If you want to change attitudes about meetings, get more participation, and be productive, here are 7 preparation tips to do prior to the meeting day:

The Administrative Professional's Ultimate Time Wasters

Wasting time is like watching the clock.

The typical workday is filled with distractions, interruptions, and routine tasks. Researchers have found that the average employee does just four hours of productive work a day. The remaining four hours are spent fielding phone calls and emails, or wasting time by surfing the Internet and gossiping (2008). Here are three time wasters that the administrative professional has to face in any given day:

Management Skills for the Administrative Professional

When we review the job responsibilities of our position, the phrase, "other duties as assigned." is usually listed last on the list. The idea is there will be other duties and responsibilities not specifically listed and if your boss says, 'Do it.' you are required to take on that additional task. Management duties include:

• Managing your boss.
  
• Managing yourself.
• Making decisions in the absence of your supervisor or handle issues as they arise that he or she trusts you will deal with appropriately.
• Managing other support staff or personnel in the department. Such as file clerks, receptionists, work study students/interns, etc.
• Managing tasks/projects.
• Negotiating with vendors.

So how do you acquire the management skills needed to handle 'other duties as assigned?' Here are 5 ways:

Love the job you hate

It’s that time of year when you show appreciation to the significant other who has been there for you, made you happy, given you satisfaction, and loved you, but how about showing some love for your job, even the one you hate? 

If you are in a job that you hate, but it pays the bills, you are not alone. According to Deloitte’s Shift index, 80% of people are dissatisfied with their jobs. Some of the 80% will eventually decide to change careers, while the majority will accept their anguish and endure the self-suffering until they quit or are fired due to insubordination. 

Here how:

5 Outlook 2007 Tips

Are you using Outlook to your advantage? Want to know what Outlook can do for you? Here are 5 tips you can use in Outlook 2007 to change your outlook about Outlook:

    1. Does your mailbox need a quick cleanup?     On the Tools menu, click Mailbox Cleanup. Select options to find items that are old or large and then move or delete them. Click AutoArchive to move old items to Archive Folders, or click Empty to permanently delete items from your Deleted Items folder.

    2. Set a reminder to reply to a message Right-click the message you want to set the reminder for, point to Follow Up, and then click Add Reminder. In the Due By list, click the date when you have to complete the reply. In the second list, click a time. In the Flag color list, click the flag color you want, and then click OK.

    3. Send a message to multiple people without revealing other recipients' identities To send a message to someone without other recipients of the message knowing, use the Bcc line in the message. Bcc stands for blind carbon copy. If you add someone's name to the Bcc line, a copy of the message is sent to that person, but his or her name is not visible to other recipients.

    4. Use a file shortcut instead of an attachment to reduce the size of a message. Right-click the file and drag it to the Inbox. On the shortcut menu, click Send with Shortcut.

    5. Oops, didn't want to send that message? Recall that message! To recall or replace a sent message, open the message in the Sent Items folder, and on the Actions menu, click Recall This Message.

Outlook is more than an email storage space or calendar reference, for more cool tips visit office.com.

Avoid Email Inbox Overload

Why do you have over 28,000 emails in your inbox?
Yeah, I know (signing). And I have 28 open!
We need to declutter your inbox.
How?
I recently was helping a colleague on a presentation and noticed that she had over 28,000 in her Outlook inbox! I was shocked and wondered how she could allow her inbox to become so cluttered. Her inbox was out of control and taking control of her. This told me the following:

• She never empties her inbox.
• She will look at an email, but won't delete it or move it to a folder.
• She does not have ample folders to store necessary emails.
• She has a lot of spam or unnecessary emails.

Here are some suggestions to de-clutter and organize your inbox :

Lose the ‘Tude: Learn how to adjust your attitude

In July, I had the pleasure of attending the IAAP Educational Forum and Annual Meeting (EFAM) in Montreal, Canada. It was a wonderful conference filled with great workshops, educational materials, and awesome speakers. One speaker, Sam Glenn, also known as the "Attitude Guy" gave a presentation based on his book, A Kick in the Attitude. Not only was he hilarious, but he made some statements that were very enlightening about how to adjust your attitude in any situation.

Here are some ways to lose the 'tude:

1. Ask yourself questions.
   

   People always say that it is odd to talk to yourself. My theory is that this is the FIRST person you should be asking questions to- yourself! Self talk is therapeutic. It's a good time to internally rationalize about situations before making decisions. When you are feeling attitudinal ask yourself the following:
   

• Why do I feel this way?
  
• What has the offender done to me? What did I do to the offender?
  
• What can be done to make me feel better?
  

1. Remove yourself from the environment for a period of time
   

   In his book, Sam talks about what he likes to do to kick his attitude. He mentions going for a walk, calling a friend, or even prank phone calling his relatives (hey, whatever works and makes you and someone else laugh, which leads to the next point).
    

2. Laugh.
   

   Laughter is considered the best medicine for the mind and body. Helpguide.org says that laughter is an antidote for stress, pain, and conflict. Laughter does the following:
   

• Relaxes the body
  
• Boosts the immune system
  
• Releases endorphins
  
• Protects the heart
  

A kick in the attitude is another way of recharging your batteries- a way to get rid of the negativity. The overall message – Lighten and brighten up!

How to build your success portfolio

Need a quick ego boost? Want to impress interviewers? Creating a success portfolio will not only give you encouragement and motivation, but you will impress interviewers when you present them with a portfolio of your accomplishments at the time of the job interview.

Examples of what goes into the portfolio:

• Positive feedback correspondence
  
• Certificates and degrees
  
• Resume and references
  
• Past performance reviews
  
• Personal mission statement
  

Your portfolio should be organized. Use a 2" binder (to start) and create tabs for each section. Here are some suggestions for possible sections:

• Education
  

  Certificates and degrees are stored in this section.
  

• Kudos
  

  Positive feedback from clients, customers, and co-workers are stored here. Any other honorable mentions are placed in the 'kudos' section.
  

• Work/Career
  

  Performance reviews, your updated resume, and references are stored in this section.
  

The first page of the portfolio is your personal mission statement. Do you have one? A personal mission statement depicts who you are and where you are going on the journey of life. Stephen Covey says, "If you don't set your goals based upon your Mission Statement, you may be climbing the ladder of success only to realize, when you get to the top, you're on the WRONG BUILDING." If you don't want to end up on the wrong building, define your mission. Here is a great tutorial on how to identify your purpose.

Uses for the portfolio:

• Job interview
  

  Of course, if you are going to use the portfolio during an interview, it should be condensed. You may want to purchase a smaller, professional report portfolio and include your resume, references, and any samples of work you have done that relate to the job in question.
  

• Performance Reviews or Promotions
  

  The portfolio serves as a gentle reminder to your boss of what you have accomplished in the past year. Use it to your advantage, there could be a promotion on the horizon.
  

• Motivational Tool
  

  Do you ever feel inadequate or as if you are not the right person for the job? Your portfolio will help you get your mind back in the game and encourage you to keep pressing on because of previous accomplishments.
  

So whether you need motivation or want to impress a potential supervisor, creating a success portfolio will benefit you in more ways than one. You are the product of your own success.

Customer service has become a disservice

The word 'service' in customer service has become obsolete. Why are customer service representatives irate? Clients tell me all the time about how debt collectors have called them at work and cause undue stress by upsetting them which results in loss in productivity and feelings of anger and frustration.

I was a debt collector in the mid-90s for 5 years for one of today's top credit card companies. I received numerous awards for being one of the most effective collectors in my department. Employee of the month, high commissions and bonuses were given to me because I practiced the following debt collection techniques:

1. Don't take it personal.
   

   Don't act like the debtor owes YOU money. The money is owed to the company and you are hired to attempt to get the funds due. The goal is to collect as much money, if not all, on the debt. The first step in effective debt collection is to NOT put yourself in the equation. The equation is debtor + creditor = collect the debt.
   

2. Remove the negative attitude.
   

   Having a negative attitude will only infuriate the debtor and reduce the chances of collecting on the debt. Obviously, there is a reason why the payment is past due, having a more positive attitude will increase the chances of at least making a payment arrangement versus creating a hostile situation.
   

3. Use active listening skills.
   

   The debtor's situation is already stressful; they will provide an explanation why the payment is late, listen intently and allow them to finish their sentences. Don't interrupt. Make statements like, 'I am sorry to hear that'….or 'Let me see what options we have…' will make the conversation less stressful on both parties.
   

4. Focus on a solution.
   

   Provide options for the debtor. The company's goal is to first collect the full payment. If full payment cannot be received, collect a portion of the payment rather than none. Aggravating the debtor by speaking in a condescending attitude will only add fuel to their fire. My motto was, 'collect some rather than none.'
   

5. Use empathy and compassion.
   

   Put yourself in the debtor's shoes. It is hypocritical to act as if you, the debt collector, have never been late on a debt or have never had to contact a creditor to ask for an extension or a payment plan. Identify with the debtor's situation and come up with a solution.
   

6. End the call on a positive note.
   

   After diffusing the situation by listening and devising a plan that is acceptable to both the company and the debtor, end the call on a positive note. Say something like, 'thank you and I hope your situation gets better.' It would be advantageous to setup a follow-up call a few days before the 'promise to pay' is made to remind the debtor of their obligation, determine if the situation has gotten better and that the payment will still be made as scheduled.
   
   Debt collection is a difficult job, but somebody has to do it. If you want to increase your commission, reduce your stress level, and meet your quota, practice effective debt collection practices. You, the company, and the debtor will thank you for it.
   

Top 10 signs that let you know you no longer like your job and what to do about it

Whether you feel unchallenged at your job, overtly stressed, or work in a hostile environment, there is no reason to continue to work in these kinds of conditions, unless you have bills to pay, a family, and other financial obligations that require you to have a steady income.

Here are 10 sure signs that you are finally fed up with your job and need to seek employment elsewhere:

1. You begin to count sick days as vacation days.
   
2. You get sick only on Mondays.
   
3. You go on interviews during lunch break.
   
4. You use your office computer to conduct job searches.
   
5. After completing job searches, you use the company email to send your resume.
   
6. Every day is casual Friday.
   
7. You laugh after each point your boss makes during your performance review.
   
8. You don't return from lunch until your favorite soap opera is done running the credits.
   
9. The word 'deadline' is no longer in your vocabulary.
   
10. Anger, sadness, and frustration are the most frequent emotions you experience while at work.
    

So if you need a job (like we all do) and you have any of these signs, here are a few remedies for your woes:

1. Ask to help on a project.
   

   This will challenge you in a way that you will be able to assist in making an impact at work, which could increase your skill knowledge, experience in working with others, and bragging rights (adding this to your resume).
   

2. Take a mini-vacation.
   

   All of the signs above spell B-U-R-N-O-U-T. The best remedy for burnout is to take a much needed vacation to relax and enjoy the environment and your family. This means no Blackberry or email access. Vacation means to vacate.
   

3. Evaluate your job.
   

   Conduct an evaluation and list the pros and cons of your job. If you have more cons than pros, it may be time to start seeking employment elsewhere. Staying in an environment that is toxic to you and causing you to be non-productive is a no-win for both parties. Don't damage your reputation, find a new job or seek an open position elsewhere in the company.
   

4. Get a Work Life Coach.
   

   Do you want some sound advice and counsel on where you should go from here? If you are experiencing any of the top 10 above contact me today for a FREE 30-minute consultation. We can talk about the issues, your feelings, and possible solutions to improve your worklife.
   

Having an 'I don't care' attitude at work will slow your productivity, increase stress, and dilute your professionalism which will result in damaging your reputation and decrease your chances of getting a good job reference if you do decide to look elsewhere. Not to mention the ill feelings that will occur between you and your colleagues. Don't continue on this road to nowhere. If you need some help in getting on the right path, contact me today for a FREE 30-minute consultation to discuss your work life and how to improve it. It will be the best decision you can make for your future.

Is this meeting really necessary?

I have attended many meetings in which nothing was accomplished. It was like sitting at a ballgame with no players. I have clients who have daily and weekly meetings with their boss with no root objective, just to meet to talk about 'what's going on.' These kinds of meetings are time wasters and productivity killers. The next time you think you need to call a meeting, ask yourself the following:

1. What is the purpose? What is it I need to accomplish?
   
2. Will there be action items for attendees to report on at a later date?
   
3. Is follow-up needed? If so, how often?
   
4. Do I need an agenda?
   

I ask that last question because for a meeting to be effective and meet goals and objectives there needs to be an agenda and it should be followed. If no agenda is needed, in other words, a meeting that serves as a follow-up or FYI (for your information) then perhaps a teleconference or an update by email would suffice. Here are a few tips on how to host effective meetings.

I find it amazing that people go to 2 or 3 meetings a day (or more) and come out of them more confused and frustrated than when they went in; furthermore, unproductive meetings reduce productivity to accomplish other tasks. So, from now on, think before you meet and save yourself some time and energy.